I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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