im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
