Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
