hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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