Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
