I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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