Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
