The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
