dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
