Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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