apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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