I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
