trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
