as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
