please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
