I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize