So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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