I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
