Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
