I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
