I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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