You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
