he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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