just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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