i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
