I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
