so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dicks are not precious.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
