Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
