i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
