did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
