kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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