I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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