there's paper in my vomit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
