Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
