i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
