Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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