I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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