"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
