I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
