Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
