And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize
