found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So squirting runs in the family.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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