worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
