Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
