i think my mom watched the whole time
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize