it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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