Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
