He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
