fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
