i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
