Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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