I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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