To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
