So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Me too!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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