dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
