I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
