Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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