Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize