he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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