apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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