I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
