oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
