fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
