Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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