It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
