i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
