Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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