party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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